Bible Question: This might sound like an easy question to answer, but I'm confused. I am a single male (never been married) dating a single female (never been married). Would having sex be a sin? The Ten Commandments don't address this issue (see Exodus 20:3-17) nor is it addressed in the two commandments on which the whole Law and the Prophets depend on (see Matt 22:36-40). |
Bible Answer: I would like to refer you to this question asked by "forrest" and answered on Apr 4th: What unmarried sexual acts are sinful? The question reveals a frequent misunderstanding of the role and use of laws, rule, and instructions. You are seeking a rule, so it is helpful to look at the role of rules. 1 Timothy 1:9 says that the law is not made for a righteous person but rather for the lawless and rebellious. While such instruction is still useful to guide and instruct (see 2 Timothy 3:16 and Matthew 5:17-19), it is intended to guide and instruct us into recognizing our sin, the need of a savior, and the offer of grace of Christ. Such instruction leads us to a personal encounter with a living God and a real relationship with that God in the person of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is tasked with guiding us in all truth and being our counselor and helper. See John 14.15ff, 15.26-16.15. When this relationship is established between created and creator, we are no longer under the law of stone but rather under the law of the Spirit and of grace. See Romans 6:14ff, Romans 7:4-6. Now this law of grace and law of the Spirit is much more demanding than the law of stone and its righteousnoess is greater than the righteousness of the law (pharisees). As God dwells within us He transforms us so that His desire becomes our desire, His longing our longing, His heart our heart. We learn of Him and hear Him through His word and hungry and expectant reading and "chewing" or meditation on His word (scripture) and through prayer (speaking and listening), worship (admiration of who He is and expressing our love for Him), and fellowship (He works through His people to reveal Himself). All this being said your question still has very practical aspects. As in ," My boyfriend/girlfriend and I are getting serious and are considering marriage but have not yet decided. There is tremendous pressure to move into areas of physical intimacy which I am not sure are pleasing to God. What guidance is there in scripture as to how far is too far?" But once the question is phrased this way you see that the real issue is not what you can do, but rather what is pleasing to God. If you are asking this question, the answers are much more apparent. Scripture clearly shows that God intended and created our sexuality as a means of establishing and maintaining a committed life long realtionship between a man and woman as a type/example of His desire to have eternal realtionship with us. God even uses the image of the returning Christ as a bridegroom and the church as His bride. Why would you involve yourself in any physical activity which creates a physiological yearning which can not righteously be satisfied (i.e. sexual intercourse outside of marriage). Even other sexual acts involve such intimacy and personal contact as to be violative of the other person (and God's intention) absent a committed life-long relationship (marriage). If I had to carve an answer in stone (God desires to do so in your heart) any intimate sexual contact is violative of God's intention of sexual (and thus spiritual--see 1 Corinthians 6.15-20)realtions. This would include, but not be limited to oral sex, manual sex, masturbation, and "feeling" or petting of the body parts of another. If the relationship is ready for these things, why is not ready for commitment. Do not buy the lie that you need to test before you buy. It is God who makes a proper spouse and it is a lifelong process. |