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Results from: Answered Bible Questions, Answers, Unanswered Bible Questions, Notes Ordered by Verse | ||||||
Results | Verse | Author | ID# | |||
1 | Worshiptainment | NT general Archive 1 | New Creature | 110171 | ||
CDBJ Good reply Below is an interesting bit of satire I found. Church-Lite Does it seem to you that churches these days just expect too much from their people? Well before you remember that Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily, read the following announcement, then repent. Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us. We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley. Studies have shown we have 24 per-cent fewer commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal... low Calvin, that is. We are the home of the 7.5 per-cent tithe. We promise 35 minute worship services, with 7 minute sermons. Next Sunday's exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 500. We have only 6 Commandments-- Your choice!! We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament. Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings. We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted, of course. We are looking forward with great anticipation to our 800 year Millennium. Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley could be just what you are looking for. We are everything you want in a church... and less!! Found on the Random Church Humor New Creature |
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2 | Worshiptainment | NT general Archive 1 | stjones | 110173 | ||
Hi, N.C.; They got the name wrong. It's the Lite Family Faith Center of the valley. "Church" turns people off. Gotta get those "seekers" in with smoke and mirrors. That said, it rubs me the wrong way when people like Dave Wilkerson utter blanket condemnations of "our churches ...". Maybe "their" churches have "lost the power"; ours hasn't. My congregation is part of a mainline denomination that is stumbling toward liberalism and confusion (pardon the redundancy!). Yet we are reminded weekly that we are there to worship God, not to be entertained or to feel better about our shortcomings. Our allotment of pew-warmers is filled; new members will have to get involved in our ministries. And we are growing while the denomination shrinks. Peace and grace, Steve aka Indiana Jones |
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3 | Worshiptainment | NT general Archive 1 | New Creature | 110184 | ||
Steve; Enjoyed your reply I like the title, "the Lite Family Faith Center of the valley" better. It fits the description better. Blessings New Creature |
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