Subject: 2 followups, masturbation and 1Cor7:2-5 |
Bible Note: start of part 3 of 3 About my wife I said "...whom I love dearly". Worshipping and idolizing her are not loving, so the answer to your first question is "no, I don't worship and idolize my wife". For reasons not appropriate to discuss here, my wife and I have not been able to enjoy sexual intimacy for several years, surely a time longer than Paul means when he says "for a while". This has not been by mutual consent, as Paul suggests, but rather of necessity, and it has been difficult for both of us. Yet I have remained faithful, patient and loving. For me, thinking of my wife as my only sexual partner has helped me avoid the temptation to be with others. What makes this real is I have options if I wanted to pursue them. At least for now, occasional masturbation is how I maintain some semblance of sexual intimacy with my wife. Of course, its not a meaningful substitute for the real thing, but until such time as it is possible for us to do come together, it reinforces my desire for her to be my only partner. I acknowledge this is not ideal, but I do feel fidelity is what God is calling me to do and how I occassionally experience my passion for her is not sin and in fact helps keep me from sin. Perhaps this is an example of how "all things work for the good of those in Christ Jesus" -- Romans 8:28 You said: "Many men who I have known have fallen prey to the sin of masturbation, only to see their marriages falter and their sins multiplied into pornography.. Such disgusting consequences of a "seemingly" harmless or unnoticable sin are brought out into the open when the door to that sin has been crossed and, now, other sins, such as looking at other women besides your wife, now suddenly become much more desirable to you than before." I never said masturbation was "seemingly" harmless or unnoticeable, I said it was "unseemly". Regardless, I agree the problem you describe is real, but it has not been the case in my situation. You said: "Do you truly see no harm in it? Do you have no inclination or leading to give it up? Can you honestly say that you have experienced great spiritual growth while practicing masturbation? Masturbation is not wholesome, not edifying, not healthy to your marriage, and it is certainly not something that you want on your conscience as not being 'repented of' when you have to give an account of yourself to the Lord." I see the potential for harm, yet I believe in my case it has been part of preserving my marriage. You said: "But I have written here about how I honestly perceive the subject of masturbation, and I believe that it will prove very costly to your marriage if not discontinued, my friend and brother in Christ." This may be true, but to date, it has not become excessive or lead me astray, quite the opposite in fact. You said: "Just a few weeks ago, the youth pastor of our church got up in front of the entire congregation and confessed to his sin of masturbation, and we have begun an accountability group that consists of myself and several others, to keep this dear friend and brother in the Lord on 'the cutting edge' of his spiritual relationship with God. Also, his wife is very supportive of helping her husband deal with this problem, which is a great blessing!" I will pray for your youth pastor, his wife and your group. To be honest, I am disturbed by the idea you and your group think you can do anything to keep anyone on the "cutting edge" of a relationship with God. Yet, if masturbation has become a problem for your youth pastor, it is good for him to deal with it and if your group can help him, praise God! Finally, in all sincerity, I am wondering if the following 2 verses are part of what you teach in this group: Mark 9:43 "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. 45And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. 47And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out... My interest lies in the possible mis-interpretion that a sexually immoral person should castrate or otherwise mutilate themselves in order to avoid sin if they can't seem to avoid it in any other way. And, Matthew 19:11 "Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." which seems to suggest that continence is not intended for everyone, but only those "who can accept it". Grace and Peace. Your brother in Christ, Parable |