Bible Question:
hi My name is Ricardo and this is my question: ok...he is a lead up to it.... I have a friend(D), he has been a Christian for about 20 yrs. We have grown to know one another over the last 8yrs. On one day he(D) tried to plant a great kiss on me lips, i found this too much and pulled away immediately. This happened three years ago. We have remained close friends, he has since moved to another area. We keep intouch via phone and email. He(D) always whats to kiss me over the phone and email messages. I am Italian and my whole family and some friends, greet each other with a kiss on each cheek. It feels different, it is full of love, it does not feel at all lustfull, it does when it comes from him(D). now the question.... He(D) states it is in the bible. He(D) said look up kiss in the bible and it will answer you. I read the bible under "kiss"and can understand it as a holy kiss, "Greet one another with a holy kiss"in Romans16:16, 1 Corinthians16:20, 2 Corinthians13:12, 1 Thessalonians5:26, 1 Peter5:14 and other. I do not believe they had a smooch. I do not think they kissed more than a peck on each cheek. And i guess in some cases only one side kissed, as on a hand or forhead. A peck on the lips is full-on, if it is more than that, it becomes a smooch. He(D)seems gay, it seems to come across to strong. It felt invasive. Help me deal with this, i do enjoy his(D) friendship. I need proof in scripture that it is right or wrong. I have not been a Christian for long, can you go into this with more depth, this "kiss"? thanks regards Ricardo |
Bible Answer: Ricardo, I emphathize with your case, I have had occassion to come across similar well meaning Christians like your friend who have personal problems of affection. At least in one case, a man posed as a close friend to a colleague of mine and their relationship moved from one level to another. The 'Christian' friend ended up hurting my colleaque who is still recovering from the emotional pain and trauma. He lured my colleague away from fellowship of mature brethren who could help in wise scriptural counsel. You indicate that your friend seems 'gay'. 8 years of friendship ought to give you a clearer picture of his orientation in sexual preferences. If not directly, through other mutual friends. To cite another case, I once came across a man who would like to 'hug' other men. Nothing wrong with this as it is a good way of expressing closeness in fellowship. But after a while his 'hugs' took on a more intimate turn with some of the people involved. It turned out he was gay with many people attesting to this. He is a 'professing christian' and married to one wife! Diverse cultures have different ways of expressing love, affection and emotions. To some, kissing, smooching and hugging can be offensisve or lustfull and yet to others it is an expression of love or even a form of greeting. This is true for the Jewish culture as well. However, and this brings me to your question. Define your boundary of friendship and intimacy with those you have relationshps with. Stick to what you are comfortable with and not what everyone says is in the bible. Remember people have been known to use scripture to advance own sexual gratifications. I am not saying your friend is doing this, but it is better to be safe than sorry. The definitive word in the scriptures you have quaoted is the word 'HOLY' kiss. It points to a type of 'kiss' which in my personal view was not designed to lead to lust or sexual desire. Some kisses, smooches and even hugs or caresses can lead to erotic response. This is like holding live hot coals to your chest; you will get burned. And in a fellowship or church setting, this can never be termed as holy kiss. Listen to what Solomon advises Daughters of Jerusalem in Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4. Do not awaken or arouse love until it so desires. For him to have repeated this verse word for word in three different places in one short book, must be sound advise. He should know he had over 1000 women in his life! Finaly, as you say you are still a new Christian, please, always seek the opinion of more than one mature Christian for there is safety in many counselors. Proverbs 11:14. I think you did well to get away from what in your view, you consider to be invassive. Also you are right in continuing to be a friend to your friend, however, be alert for we are called to be at peace with all men. But do not hessitate to break contact in case he goes beyond your defined line of interaction. You have the Spirit of God as a Christian. His job is to warn you of danger and in your case, He seems to have rang a warning bell. May God by His Spirit, guard and protect you always. AMEN. Andy. |
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Ricardo Della-Ricca |