Marriage 1 My wife had an affair and moved to another state
with her boyfriend. I desparately wanted to reconcile but after
two years of zero contact, I filed for divorce.
Marriage 2 This marriage lasted twelve years and we had
four amazing children. Within the first two years of our
marriage, my wife had an affair. I suspected the affair but it
was approximately nine years into our marriage that her
confession was made. Things were never the same. I was
very hurt and bitter but I grew up in a broken home and didn't
want that for my children. We were both miserable and often
discussed divorce but we both wanted to keep our home
together until the kids were out of school. I am not aware of
any additional affairs but she was very regularly dishonest with
me in other matters. She had battled a pornography addiction
that started at an unusually young age and continued in that
path. Connecting with her in meaningful, open conversation
proved to be hurtful every time. My most private
insecurities would be brought up to me by "friends of friends"
after trickling down from her. I became very closed off to her
and there was an enormous wall between us. The more I shut
her out physically and emotionally, the more she became
convinced I was having an affair. She told many of our friends
that I was. At the time, I was not but I confided in a woman at
work who was going through a very difficult time as well. We
became very close friends and within six months our friendship
had evolved into sexual intimacy. I filed for divorce and
pursued this new relationship.
Marriage 3 Approximately six months into this marriage, my
brother told me about Kyle Idleman's book "Not A Fan". I
became immersed in this book and for the first time in my life, I
was a follower of Christ. Everything about me was different
and I wanted to be the me God created me to be. I remember
it hitting me like a ton of bricks. Now what God? What do I do
about the marriage I am in? I LOVE this woman but can I
expect you to bless a relationship that had ultimatey started as
an affair? I was not content with simply justifying what we had
done by citing my previous wife's affair. I still had to own up to
my sin regardless of her sin. We both apologized to her and
asked for forgiveness. She apologized as well and the co-
parenting relationship among the three of us prospered as a
result. My wife and the children's mother became friends and
would even sit together at sporting events etc. Fast forward
about a year and a half. My wife's father was pastoring a non-
denominational church. He was a "fallen" Assembly of God
pastor who had had an affair with and married the worship
leader. My wife and I had been going to his church since the
beginning of our relationship. He had also served as my
counselor through my previous divorce. He was aware of the
affair I had with his daughter and supported it. He helped us
keep it hidden as we would go out of town on various weekend
trips with them. My wife and I were both on staff receiving a
weekly check although we did nothing more than show up for
church. Many aspects of this church had long been unsettling
to me but I ignored the conviction until I no longer could. I
prayed with my wife and asked that she be in continuued
prayer about us stepping down from our ministry positions for
a period of six months. I felt led of the Spirit to do so and that
we were to focus on our family and our individual relationships
with God. She became deeply offended and agreed that I
should, but she would not. Her father took the same position.
Our families became very divided but in the end, she became
involved with a friend of her dad's. He helped her hide the
affair just as he did when he was "on my side". She filed for
divorce and soonafter married this man.
I seriously had no intentions of ever marrying again. After
three failed marriages, you might wonder why I'm even
pondering this question. But here I am today. I met an
amazing woman who is a widow. We've been together a little
over a year and I love her deeply. She recently broke up with
me and her reason was that I am not Biblically free to marry.
At this point, it is my understanding she is dating someone
else and I have no expectations of her changing her mind. I
respect her convictions and I respect her interpretation of
scripture. This question is for me. I do feel absolute peace
about marrying again. Have I deceived myself?
Bible Answer: Dear Friend,
Your desire for freedom is a good thing. There is a freedom that is far more valuable than the freedom to remarry. It is the freedom to live a new life unto God by the power of the resurrection.
Let me commend you for your actions of stepping down from a fraudulent ministry position. You took a stand for truth and for God. Bless you for that. Obviously this was undermining to the enemies plans and He was able to use your wife to come against what The Holy Spirit was intending to do with the two of you. It seems you were poised for repentance and a renewed walk with Christ. One in which you could come to know the King of Love better which would also bring deeper satisfaction in your relationship with Him and with her. If you want an answer from the Law I would say that you are free to marry. If you want an answer from the Spirit, It would be a step in a very wrong direction at this time. It should be obvious that something which opposes God is operating in your life. You will not have a successful relationship with any woman until you are healed and delivered from what ever is operating in your life. This is an obviouse pattern and ther is no evidence that you are in any position to avoid its consequences again and continuously in your future. It is like a snowball rolling downhill. The problem will only get bigger until it hits a tree. That tree is the tree our savior was crucified on. The cross is your hope right now. If you confess your sin He is faithful to forgive your sin and cleanse you of all unrighteousness.
God mays have someone for you in the future but He cannot bless any relationship that you enter into until He prepares you for that relationship. The only way that can happen is to grow into a beautiful healthy relationship with Jesus Christ. I have some good news for you. Jesus wants that for you even more than you do and He is willing to take you there.It is not up to you to make it happen. We are not self made men in the Kingdom of God. All of the good that is found in us is produced by The Spirit of God. Our part is to be honest about our sin and to agree with Him in what He desires for us. He is willing and able to bring about a relationship with Himself that is filled with joy and a freedom that is so far beyond what you can now comprehend. It requires a couple of things on your part though. 1/ That you agree that you need a new life in Him. 2/ That He wants that for you too. 3/ That you cannot make that happen. 4/ YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
The scripture says that if we pray according to God's will He hears us and if He hears us we know we have the answer to our request.
The scripture also says that when we pray we are to believe that we have received the answer to our request and then it shall be done for us. It should be obvious by now that this new life will have to start with a new prayer life. He will bring it about but we must want it. It is not a tedious repition of requests we hope will be answered. It starts with falling in love and experiencing intimacy with your Savior. It is Him you must seek. It is possible for you to try and find a good biblical church with a righteous man at the helm but end up deceived again. Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are able to find that right church and pastor for you. Again you must learn how to pray. He is your teacher. He will take you there. He will even inspire the prayers.
If you ask for a piece of bread He will not give you a stone.
If you ask for a fish He will not give you a serpent
You have a whole new life awaiting you in Christ. Never give up hope, keep reaching out to this forum and other people you can trust. When it comes to The Kingdom of God you are like a baby that is learning to walk. It doesn't matter how long you have been a Christian. The Kingdom of God is so much bigger and more glorious than you ever imagined. Its time to go for it.
When you find yourself saying "There must be more" you are on the right track.
This is my prayer for you based on Eph.3:16-21 I ask our Father that He would grant you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man; so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen
(I would memorise)
God Bless you. Let Him create a man worth giving to a woman then He may find a woman worth giving to that man. However by that time it will be far less important. Your desire for Love will be filled with Him.
|Up | Down View Branch||ID# 243737|
|Questions and/or Subjects for Bible general||Author|