Bible Question (short): a ramble, but advice greatly requested |
Question (full): Where do I start... A few years ago I had a drink problem, i wouldnt say i was an alcoholic..as then theres a reason for your actions. I will just say..i used alcohol as a sort of medicine, to escape reality (I bet most of society does this now without realising). I had always believed in god, but wouldnt say i was religious, that is, I didn't go to church or belong to a religion. Anyway things got sooo bad that I asked god for his help. He didn't answer..then. One night i completely opened up to god, telling him that i understood that i must take responsibility for my actions and of the things that had gone wrong in my life. I opened up without a desire for his help, but almost, a realisation. I then went to sleep and an angel came into my dream. I wasnt dreaming..it was something else the angel was about a foot taller then me in my dream vision, with wings relaxed but taller the her head. She said, without talking, "weve always been there for you, but youve just ignored us". I woke up feeling like id been cleansed (a corney term, but the most accurate). I didn't drink effortlessly for six months. This is where my question comes in. I drink now, but nothing like before. It's almost like a filter has been put upon me. The weird thing is, I know god is there...ive always known, I have proof! at least for myself, but whenever i switch on the news or hear such terrible things, i feel so down, and feel like why is he letting this continue? I go to church now, but i feel after my experience with the angel, this should be it! I should be able to turn away from sin and have utter most faith in the father. But I don't. NOT that i don't think he's there, NOT that i don't think he's capable. But I just feel helpless. Surely Im meant to feel something? Some..I dunno, strength. any responses to this ramble are appreciated... xx |