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NASB | John 3:16 ¶ "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. |
AMPLIFIED 2015 | John 3:16 ¶ "For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life. |
Bible Question (short): Lost- backsliding; can't have kids |
Question (full): I am not new to the Lord, or to this forum but I have been away for a very long time due to backsliding. Since I was 25, I began praying and trying to have babies. Now I'm 41 and still no children and it kills me every-single-month. It's gotten to the point I stopped going to baby showers no matter how close the person is to me, because I can't be there without crying. I can't shop for baby things without crying. I see a pregnant woman and I cry, and I'm starting to not like even being around kids. Yes my husband I have been tested, he's fine but I have a bent tube. But no one ever said I wouldn't be able to conceive, and if God were to just THINK it, I'd be pregnant, I truly believe this. I wish I could just hear from the Lord that it will happen one day because I'm running out of time physically. If He would just TELL me it will happen one day, I could patiently wait but I'm not hearing one way or the other. I desperately want to surrender the things I feel displease Jesus, but it's also my crutch. Today I found out once again I will be no one's mother, and I just broke down at work. I have no sisters or brothers so I'll never be a sibling, or aunt. And now it seems I'll never be a mother. I became clinically depressed, I take medication now to help. I feel I have no purpose what so ever in this miserable life, I truly I wish I wasn't even here anymore. I can't help my family with anything or anyone else for that matter. The only talent God gave me was singing, but things keep getting in the way of that so I'm not even doing that. It's like God doesn't WANT me to be anything more than a tax payer, but I have so much more I wish I could share. For years I tried to live a better life walking with Jesus, hoping and praying the entire time for kids, never happened. I became discouraged and went back to marijuana. Just marijuana nothing else not that makes much difference. I feel it helps take the pain of never getting pregnant away. It helps me not cry all the time when I see pregnant women or babies on tv. I'm asking for prayers, and scriptures that will help me because I know I need to be back in church like I used to be. I used to so love worshiping and praising, but now I feel so painfully abandoned by Jesus, like I'm the one person on this earth that has no purpose for being alive what so ever. I'm the one person God forgot about. Ok, in my mind I know this is not true, but this is how I feel in my heart. God gives kids to people that are trying to NOT get pregnant, my ex-sister in law had her tubes tied and STILL, got pregnant. He gives them to people that prostitute them out, abuse them, don't love them, never wanted them, and kill them. My husband and I have so much love, and would raise our kids to know the Lord, but for reasons only Jesus knows, that is the ONE thing I've asked for, that was never answered. It's not too late but I'm getting older and my body is changing. Yes we've been through fertility treatments, obviously they didn't work, and we went into debt trying. I feel maybe, just maybe God will grant my one wish if I could let go of the things that displease Him, but because I've tried that before and it still didn't happen I'm very discouraged and weak. The lying part of me says "why should you stop? You don't have anything else worthwhile going on may as well make yourself not feel the pain for a while". I KNOW this is a lie but I still can't help myself due to the pain. Please pray and send me scriptures before it's too late. I've cried out to God so many times, including today. I just feel God is not hearing me or listening, and hasn't for a very long time now. Please help! |